Doubt

That little ticker off to the side is really pissing me off right now...

Short story: My knee is hurt, my marathon is screwed.

Long story: The run right after the 22-miler I felt some serious twinges in my knee, but I rested a couple of days and had a good run that Thursday. But the following Monday, I had terrible knee pain at 2.5 miles in and limped through to get to about 6 miles. Since then, I haven't run at all, and there has been no improvement. I went to my orthopedic. He messed with it 20 different ways, took x-rays, and said it's most likely tendinitis. Nothing we can do except physical therapy and maybe an MRI to see if we're missing something. He recommended waiting 3-4 weeks after the marathon and then regrouping.

So yes, he said I could run, but over a week later and no improvement and it's looking bad for me. But I'm stubborn, so I'm still going to line up on Sunday and pray for a miracle. I don't want to look back months from now and just wish I had tried. I may only make it one mile, but I'll feel like I did all I could. He said I can't do anymore damage by trying to run that one last time, and then I promise to do whatever I need to to ditch these knee braces and try to get healthy.

It is unbelievably frustrating to go through all of this, work through all of the problems, feel good about getting through 22 miles, and then bam...you're done. I'd like to think I'll have the determination and strength to do this again, but we all know how life gets in the way. This was my chance, and I just don't want it to slip through my fingers when I'm this close.

So I sit here, I ice, I stretch, I pop Aleve, I slather myself in Biofreeze, and I pray...the latter being the only real chance I have at this point.

But as well all know (and I constantly remind myself) worse things could (and have) happened...so while I'm disappointed, it's only temporary.

Pneumonia, 22 Miles, and Soccer Season

First, let me get my breathing under control after seeing that damn ticker on my blog page that says 15 freaking days until the marathon...oh crap!

Ok, back to our recap of the past couple of weeks. So I had a cough...it sucked. Started before Christmas, I coughed, kids coughed, Patrick coughed, they stopped...I kept coughing...crap. But I convinced myself everything was ok because I "didn't feel bad"...until I started feeling bad. One day of bleh followed by a night of fever, sweats, chills, nausea, exhaustion, etc., sent me to the doctor. There I got a presumptive diagnosis of pneumonia (oh joy!) and a hyped up dose of antibiotics. More concerning than the pneumonia was the fact that I had a 22 mile run scheduled a couple of days later (I'm sensing my priorities may be skewed right now...). Anyway, after being fairly miserable, I found myself finally feeling normal again, AND (an important and) the dr. had cleared me to go ahead with my run if I took it slow and truly felt better...so I went.

My last long run...I give myself LOTS of credit for going slow and staying more than cautious. I walked every water/jelly bean break, and I stayed well below race pace. At about 7.5 miles along, I noticed two guys running up ahead. Since I did not know this route, I planned to keep them in view. Around mile 10, I got close enough that they introduced themselves. They were doing a run 9 min/walk 1 min, and I thought that would probably preserve my knees as best as possible. So I stuck with them the rest of the way, even though I felt like I could have gone faster many times (but also pushed to stay with them on a couple of uphills when my knee was angry). They were so great to take me along with them, and I am so appreciative. We kept it slow and I ended up finishing up 22 miles feeling like I could keep going AND pick up the pace.

I felt decent after my ice bath (although tight) and felt pretty good the day after. But this past Monday I hopped on the treadmill to run and EVERYTHING hurt. I had a scary twinge in my knee and bailed a minute early. I still find myself sore, but I had a decent 3 mile run yesterday. This is the taper, time to heal, but also time to drive yourself crazy thinking of everything that's "injured". I have to have faith that I've put in the work, even putting in more miles than required the past few weeks. I'm going to allow myself to run slower, take extra rest days, be lazy ; ). I've made it this far, I just need to be able to line up in 2 weeks feeling remotely good. Just having the courage to stand at that starting line will be a battle won!

In other news, my little diva has had fun dressing in cold weather this week. I promise to get better about pictures very soon. KK the Destroyer meanwhile is exploring lots of fruit...hasn't met one he doesn't like lately, which for Mr. Picky Eater is quite the accomplishment.

And finally, January always brings the start of soccer season. I have to admit things are going much more smoothly than I anticipated. Come to find out, I tend to underestimate my abilities as a mother. But I give huge credit to my difficult road here. It's much easier to be appreciative of wiping a wiggling butt while a toddler is twirling your hair in your face when you prayed for that kind of "trouble" for so long...LOL!

One fail for me...dum-dum is watching a horror movie tonight when it's still hours before Patrick gets home from soccer. Someday I'm going to have to get over a LOT of fears before the kids realize it...you know...my fears of bees, the dark, scary movies, and most importantly...water. If I don't chicken out, this summer will be full of my first foray into not drowning, I mean swimming.

Obligatory New Year's Post

I know at the end of a year and the start of a new one that everyone likes to either 1) recap the past year and or 2) forecast the new year. I guess I'll do some hybrid of both. I can't seem to just let all of this rely on one year prior and one year following though. So much history and so much future relies on these two intersecting years...

Anyway, old Mexican wives tales say that what you do on New Year's Day will predict how your year will go. In terms of running, that means great things. I had a very easy recovery run today. Easy in that I had to keep making myself slow down...it was the kind of run where time flew by, the weather was awesome, the pace was simple, and I "felt like a real runner". Plus I even did some yoga after!

In terms of family life, we had a day focused on us. We hung out, played, laughed...with no other priorities other than taking care of ourselves and each other...I truly hope that's the kind of year we have.

Monday starts the hyped up rat race again. I will hit the ground running at work because I have a LOT to do this month. Patrick's soccer season also starts this week, which means I have to step up the supermom effort. In addition, this is the toughest week of my marathon training. We all need a lot of focus to get through this week, but I have faith that we will all surpass our expectations of ourselves and each other.

In other news, I hate fireworks. Yes, they're pretty, but I feel they have no place in the suburbs. We have toddlers trying to sleep. Larkin woke up about 11:15 last night, so she had her first New Year's celebration...LOL! Which she spent making her Daddy play Kinectimals so she could see the tiger : ) Luckily, we were all back asleep before 1am. Kellen on the other hand, slept through like a champ...and then everyone slept until after 7:30am this morning, so that was a nice break for us. French toast cooked by Daddy for breakfast and they were off and running.

As I said, a retrospective of one year just brings in thoughts of years prior. New Year's has been difficult in years past. Six years ago I spent it at my grandfather's funeral...the next 2 years after that I spent it mourning pregnancy losses. Thankfully, the next 2 years after that I spent pregnant...and then watching monitors hoping the kids didn't wake up with the fireworks. So as Patrick and I sat here last night, drinking our New Year's cocktails, playing Kinect pingpong (plus other games...LOL!), and of course, watching the monitors, he kept apologizing that we weren't doing anything more grand...and I kept saying I wouldn't have it any other way....
Because had things continued to go badly 4 years ago...sure, we would have been at some fancy hotel downtown having a great time...but without anyone ever seeing it on my face, I would have killed to be the one in her PJs snuggling with a toddler and watching her other child on the monitor while kissing her husband at midnight...as much as he didn't realize last night...that was my perfect New Year's Eve...the one I always dreamed of and feared would never happen. I wouldn't have changed a thing.
...Hope yours was just as good...and that next year's will be even better.

Are you 25? Yes...yes, I am

Due to the holiday schedule (and Patrick's soccer practice schedule), I had to move around the "long run" for the week. I did NOT feel like heading out there this morning. Major storm yesterday, so the trail was full of wet (slick) leaves, debris, and puddles. Tried to keep my balance the whole time, ran slower than normal. However, when I was frustrated at about 5 miles in, I had a very nice conversation at a stop light with this cute young girl. Here's how it went.

CuteGirl: Are you training for the marathon?
Me: Yes
CuteGirl: How far are you running today?
Me: Oh, 12 or 13 miles.
CuteGirl: Wow, I just run high school cross country.
Me: Well, when you're my age, you'll be running marathons.
CuteGirl: How old are you, like 25?

Yes, yes I am 25. No I told her she was sweet and that I was 34. Then we ran our separate ways.

It was only in retelling this story to Patrick later that I realized that in high school, I probably thought 25 was "old"...about as old as 34...oh well! At least she didn't guess I was 40 right?

Anyway, I settled into my run after that ego boost, and right when I was about to fall apart before mile 9, my sweet husband was waiting along the trail just to say hi : ) That gave me what I needed, and I finished out my 13 miles (the schedule only called for 10 miles). Now I get to lay low for a couple of days (yay!), but that 20 miler next weekend is already freaking me out. We're in the homestretch though, so I just need to tough it out!

By the way, I would just like to mention that I love that fact that my 2.5yr old sees me dressed to head out and says "You gonna go run Mama?" I hope the fact that she's already related exercise to us means that I'll have a partner in another 15-20 years or so ; )

Me, PhD

Well if you're reading this, you already know who I am, duh! But to briefly update on what's going on right now...

Things are busy at work. Post-PhD, I've managed to attain the rank of junior faculty, which is code for "you have the letters, but now do some more work and we'll see if you really cut it". If it were just me, maybe I'd be cutthroat about it. But the bottomline is that I just want to be gainfully employed doing something I enjoy during the day in order to get home to what's really important to me. I've progressed beyond needing to prove anything. I'm a nerd, I have the letters to prove it, now I just want to enjoy what the hard work has gotten me for awhile, is that so wrong?

On the flipside, turns out I had some free time to fill post-dissertation. Now since we moved here several years ago, it seems to be some sort of middle-aged mom rite of passage to run a marathon. I remember spectating at a marathon many years ago for one of Patrick's co-workers. Then, I've played soccer with many many friends that have also run the Houston marathon. It was always one of those things I'd like to "do one day just to say I did".

Now hindsight is always so reasonable isn't it? The idea of training for a marathon with two toddlers after the hell I've put my body through the past 5 years somehow seemed feasible (easy?) to me last spring. I quickly learned that my stubborn nature would be my downfall. I've battled many overuse injuries: runner's knee, pulled calf muscles, foot tendinitis, IT band issues, twisted ankles...and general exhaustion. There have been many times over the past few months that I was convinced I would never get to run this race. In fact, the jury is still out...and will be until I attempt to line up on raceday. I've adjusted my training. I'm actually running more miles than the plan calls for, but I'm running those miles slower in order to preserve my joints. So far these past couple of weeks, this is working much better for me.

I'm in the crunch phase of the training. Last week was huge, but the next 2 weeks are just as important. Then I go into taper mode...all shooting for D-day...the Chevron Houston Marathon on January 30th. My first attempt at 26.2 miles...but hopefully not my last!

Oh and did I mention that Patrick's soccer season kicks off next week...again, what was I thinking trying to juggle all of this???

And did I mention that I hate running in the cold? Good thing I got new cold weather running gear for Christmas ; ) That's going to be the only thing that motivates me out the door tomorrow morning!

Intro to the Madness...

OK, I know I've been promising a return to the blogosphere for way too long, so here it is. What seems like an eternity ago, I once chronicled (mostly anonymously) our struggles with infertility. Four years, 5 miscarriages, and 6 surgeries ultimately led us to our daughter Larkin...and shortly there after our surprise son Kellen. Our family is complete, after wondering for so long whether our time would ever come.

Since becoming a mom, I also managed to finish my PhD. So as a mother to Irish twin toddlers, wife to a biology teacher/soccer coach, and with a career as a PhD scientist, I took the natural next step...and decided to train for a marathon. Now you're starting to understand why the title of this blog is Moon Madness, right?

So here we go...I'll update on everyone in the family shortly, and then you can just come along for the ride with our crazy lives from there ; )