Little Victories

So we have a lot going on (when is that not the case?), but I'm making a pledge to update more often! I'm especially going to take advantage of Patrick's coaching nights and try to do at least two posts a week. I really do have a lot I'd like to document and some backtracking I'd like to do both in relation to Kellen's diagnosis path and just general family fun (we went on vacation...seems like forever ago).

For now, I would like to comment on little victories. So I have now firmly allowed/convinced/strong-armed/bribed/brainwashed myself to stop comparing Kellen. I vow to stop comparing him to Larkin because well let's face it, there has not nor ever will be another Larkin LOL!
I also vow to stop comparing him...
... to the kids in his class
... to the other kids at birthday parties
... to my friends' kids on facebook
... to your kids on your blogs
... to my newlywed ideal of what my son might be like someday
... to other autistic kids
... to anyone other than the kid he was yesterday, last week, last year...
I vow this for my sanity, I vow this for both of my kids' confidence, and this new outlook allows me to openly celebrate things like walking to and from the car!!

This is HUGE people. Kellen is a little bit of a Mama's boy...and when you have two kids less than 11 months apart, well one is going to get carried because it's all about containment in open parking lots at that point people! So somewhere along the way, Kellen got used to being carried (you know, probably because he used to be a baby that didn't walk and stuff), Larkin would walk holding our hand (because she being Larkin got to a point where she refused to be carried!), and so was life for the past oh 2 years!

So we realized (when I say we I mean Patrick told me) that we had no idea why we were still carrying Kellen. So we'd try to make him walk in...drama ensued. So we ditched that...about 30 different times.

It's volleyball season, and due to a variety of different factors, I'm really pulling extra duty this year. I have dropped off, picked up, done dinner/baths/bed solo more times in the past month than in the past 2 years it seems. So be it, many women have had it way worse. I have the luxury of a wonderful supportive husband, he just happens to not be home a lot lately, but I'd rather have him in some gym across town than in some desert across the world, you know? (I've really been trying to put an end to my pity party days, can you tell?). So anyway, it's HARD to carry 40lbs of Kellen while keeping track of a very speedy Larkin, all while being my size!

Anyway, one day about two weeks ago, Kellen was adamant about bringing this car at school home with him. So I said "You know what, ok, but you're walking your booty to the car"...and so he did...stopped a few times, couple of complaints, confusion on all of our parts of how to open the car door and get everyone in without my parking lot freakout, but we survived.

The next morning we get to school, Patrick's turn...Kellen sat down on the sidewalk...and refused to budge. Larkin and I actually went in to log them into the system and sat and watched them on the surveillance cameras wondering how long they would sit there...long enough that Larkin and I headed to the breakfast room! And then there they came around the corner...walking...

Rinse and repeat with a few tantrums thrown in here and there but we did NOT, we all out refused to let him get out of walking to and from the car to school everyday for...TWO WEEKS. And just like that we made a huge change for him. He walks to and from like a big boy, he's even attempting to get in and out of the car by himself. What I wouldn't let him do for so long, he was more than capable of doing all along...so I again am humbled, and we all need to re-evaluate other ways that we may be inadventently holding him back.

Once I started along that path, he's also brushing his teeth by himself (standing on the stool, waiting for toothpaste, etc.), he's helping to dress himself, he's waiting patiently for his milk when we get home (and I'm allowing him to play downstairs without quickly ushering him to his chair to be contained). I even found out at daycare that he's tolerating standing up diaper changes...so next week...
...I'm buying pull-ups instead of diapers...
...and the next week, we'll start putting him on the potty...
...because who says he's not ready to potty train...
...who am I to say he can't...

Oh and he's saying "Noooooooo!" clearly, purposely, and turns out he has a lot of opinions...because well, he is my son after all ; )

He Sings

I need to be doing better about blogging…for sanity, for progress tracking, and just for documenting life in general. Yesterday was a day worth mentioning.

First, the crappy part…my poor husband has a herniated disc. Apparently this is painful? I’m not sure how it compares to childbirth, but interestingly, there are striking similarities! Yesterday, my biggest baby (that’s Patrick) had to get an epidural steroid shot. This is supposed to help with inflammation around the disc so that maybe he’ll have better luck with physical therapy. Surgery is still potentially on the table, but we’re taking it one step at a time. Regardless, I tried to prep him and tell him that epidurals don’t hurt (mine didn’t at least), but I also tried to avoid telling him that steroid injections hurt like a bitch no matter where you get them! I’ve had A LOT of shots in my life including self injections of blood thinner right into my growing belly every single day I was pregnant. Not a one of those shots compared to the stinging of the steroid I got in my rear when I got strep throat a couple of years ago…but again, I may have failed to mention that to him ; )

He took it like a champ though (I give myself credit because he knew he could show no weakness or I would ridicule him with the “Oh please, I had two epidurals and THEN had to actually give birth after them.”). I just hope it helps…

Anyway, so we got home with the kids last night and my sweet boy did the most amazing thing. First, he ate his mac and cheese like a champ. He was in a great mood, asked nicely (signed for more) for his milk, asked for his cookies (the “c” sound suffices), asked for his cup (the “c” sound is multi-purpose), and then he sang me a song…

I mean he really sang me a song. I was holding cookies out to him one at a time, so I could continue to hear that wonderful “c” sound, when he stopped eating, looked at me, and began very obviously singing a song. He sang the whole thing, with repeated sounds that had a definite rhythm, melody, and even hand motions (it looked like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!) through the whole thing! I mean this lasted like 45 seconds, and it was a complete song. He seemed very intent on finishing the whole thing and then very proud of himself when he was done. Thankfully Larkin knew when he was done so she clapped and said “yay!”…while I sat there awestruck fighting back the buckets of tears that were eager to fall.

Patrick and I looked at each other and had what I realize was a glorious moment of hope. Kellen was “on” yesterday, he was present in that moment, he was engaged the whole evening. He even said nigh-night when I put him to bed…I haven’t heard that in months. The song was completely new...the words were unrecognizable, it just sounded like some wire was crossed in his speech, like he was very deliberately using specific sounds, but to us it sounded like another language (we heard the same sounds repeated). What was so different about yesterday? what changed? what went right?

The scientist in me is fighting to start logging every detail of his life so that I can unravel this mystery. We’ve always said he responds so well to music, maybe we can sing directions to him, maybe we can use sounds as requesters, maybe if we can record him singing "words" to a known song, then we can try to translate those sounds into words, what if Twinkle Twinkle Little Star is the rosetta stone to deciphering what he's trying to tell us…

But then maybe I should just sit back and calm down and be grateful for a moment because…

…he sings…and that's forward progress...