I think it’s probably safe to say that I’m not coping well lately. To my family and friends, SORRY, I know I’ve been a terror as of late. I’m hoping that surviving this next week and looking forward from there will help us all regain our focus.
But this weekend brought me several moments that had me step aside from my stresses and truly cherish the life I’m lucky to lead.
My sweet husband…He could see (and hear and feel and probably wanted to run away from me) that I was not handling myself very well so he picked up the phone and scheduled me a massage for Sunday (and made sure I got to yoga Sunday morning as well). Well when I got out of my massage Sunday afternoon, I checked my e-mail and there was an Evite from “ME” to Margaritas and a Movie…I responded yes and really crossed my fingers that I hadn’t just agreed to a date with some creepy stalker. He had already set up the babysitter, we all had an early family dinner together (second day in a row!), and we had a nice night out…a little time to discuss what’s on our minds plus a little mindless time at the movie…just right.
My hilarious Larkin…She’s been on a roll lately with her little attitude, but that girl can make me laugh when I need it most. She was running circles around the first floor before dinner both days this weekend because “she needed to exercise”. Then when we were trying to explain to her that there were limes growing in the backyard and that her daddy would take her back there to see them the next day, her response was “OH MY GOODNESS!!! LIONS???” I literally fell on the floor in the kitchen crying laughing. She was not the least bit concerned about lions living in our backyard, rather she seemed really excited to meet them. We also made cupcakes and did our toes together, and I always enjoy doing girly stuff with her (because she loves it so much)!
My adoring Kellen…We have a lot of frustrations right now, but there was one moment in particular this weekend that melted my heart. I had gone in our bedroom to put myself together after my massage because we were headed to the grocery store. Patrick and the kids were sitting in the middle of the gameroom floor around a big bowl of popcorn having snacktime. When I emerged from our bedroom, Kellen immediately ran over to me and grabbed my hand. I assumed he was going to pull me to the top of the stairs because he wanted to go down to get juice or something….or that he was going to pull me to his room to open his door…or maybe to a toy he needed help getting…but it was none of those things. He took me by the hand, looked up at my face, and very slowly and gently walked me over to the bowl of popcorn and pulled me to sit down. He sat across from me, looked me dead in the eyes again and smiled. I handed him a piece of popcorn from the bowl, which he took and then did his little happy dance (he does a little side-to-side dance when he’s happy, or when something tastes good, etc.)…he did his happy dance because he’d brought me over to sit with all the people he loved and share some popcorn…not because he needed anything, but because he wanted me there with them.
And in that moment…I knew that whatever this week brings, we will be okay. In that moment, I knew I’d be doing my happy dance again soon.
Mother, wife, PhD scientist, runner, autism advocate...just trying to balance it all one day at a time.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Larkin Grows Up
It’s hard to believe that Larkin is 3. Not in the “OMG, it feels like she was just a baby yesterday” kind of way, more in the “I cannot believe I’m having this conversation with a 3-yr old” kind of way. When I was a kid, they used to say I was like a little adult…carrying on conversations with the adults in the room rather than running around throwing mud or coloring on the walls, you know, typical kid stuff. As I sit and have debates that I’m starting to lose discussions with Larkin, it’s becoming evident that I may not be the easiest person to deal with. My poor parents…my poor friends…and poor Patrick because now he’s stuck with TWO of us.
But hey, we’re cute and sweet and smart and loving…isn’t that enough to make up for being bossy and prissy and moody…and always right? ; )
I had one particularly interesting exchange this weekend.
Larkin: Mama I want cereal for breakfast.
Me: No Larkin, we’re making Daddy omelets today because it’s Father’s Day. I told you that yesterday.
Larkin: No you did not.
Me: Yes I did.
Larkin: Unfortunately, you did not tell me that yesterday.
I had no comeback for that one…unfortunately.
****************************************************
The good thing is that she does show promise in the area of science.
Me: Larkin quit banging your feet against the kitchen counter, it hurts the fishies’ ears.
Larkin: But Mama, fish don’t have ears, see? How can they hear if they don’t have ears?
**Fleeting glance between Patrick and I as we realize we will never get the repeated “Why?” questions from her but rather explanations of the fundamental flaws in our responses**
I then attempt to explain that fish hear through their skin by feeling vibrations through the water. My biology teacher husband did not correct me, so I’m hoping that was some semblance of right. She absorbed the entire concept and proceeded to repeat it back to us. I can picture her this morning reciting this entire exchange to her preschool class…Little Miss Know-it-All…Version 2.0.
She’s me…but with WAY more confidence (and taller)…Lord help the friends who tolerate her…the man who marries her…and help us to keep her just the way she is ; )
****************************************************
But the biggest change for her as of late is the “big girl bed”. She’s been ready for it for a long time, but I’m really glad we waited. It went off without a hitch. She was so excited! Over and over she just kept saying “Thank you”. It felt really good. She did great, and we’ve pretty much had zero issues with her not following the bed rules. She stays in her room, she mostly stays in her bed except to turn on her bedtime music or grab a book. She has really impressed us with how well she has followed our directions.
Someday we’ll give Kellen the same freedom…but I have feeling we’ll catch him out on the couch turning on the DVD player in the middle of the night just for fun. ; )
The first night was pretty entertaining though. About 3am we hear her crying, I go in thinking she’s had a bad dream. She tells me she hears squeaking. As I start some response about how it’s probably squirrels outside, my thought process is interrupted by *BEEP!*. At this point, I begin talking to the video monitor about the fact that there is in fact something squeaking and honey, can you hurry up and get in here *BEEP!*? Patrick walks in the *BEEP!* room, and we realize that of all the nights of the year, Larkin’s first night in a big girl bed coincides with the night the battery in her fire alarm goes on the fritz! After locating a chair to remedy the situation, she happily went back to bed in her squeak-free environment. We woke up at 5am to find her still in her bed but with her music playing…guess she wanted to avoid any other interruptions ; )
You may wonder why these pictures are so yellow...that would be my fault. When I designed her nursery, I fell in love with this light from Ikea...you know because it was the sun and stuff.
I'm pretty sure Patrick still has nightmares about installing this light. Turns out the Europeans make cute/cheap stuff, but they're not very good electricians. After numerous tries, the light was installed and does work...but it makes the entire room yellow. Which is a little funny because the room actually IS yellow, but the color effects require you to take outfits out of the room into the game room in order to not send her out into the world with red shorts and a hot pink shirt. Anyway, I think I'm finally ready to change the light...but I don't know how to break it to Patrick : )
But hey, we’re cute and sweet and smart and loving…isn’t that enough to make up for being bossy and prissy and moody…and always right? ; )
I had one particularly interesting exchange this weekend.
Larkin: Mama I want cereal for breakfast.
Me: No Larkin, we’re making Daddy omelets today because it’s Father’s Day. I told you that yesterday.
Larkin: No you did not.
Me: Yes I did.
Larkin: Unfortunately, you did not tell me that yesterday.
I had no comeback for that one…unfortunately.
****************************************************
The good thing is that she does show promise in the area of science.
Me: Larkin quit banging your feet against the kitchen counter, it hurts the fishies’ ears.
Larkin: But Mama, fish don’t have ears, see? How can they hear if they don’t have ears?
**Fleeting glance between Patrick and I as we realize we will never get the repeated “Why?” questions from her but rather explanations of the fundamental flaws in our responses**
I then attempt to explain that fish hear through their skin by feeling vibrations through the water. My biology teacher husband did not correct me, so I’m hoping that was some semblance of right. She absorbed the entire concept and proceeded to repeat it back to us. I can picture her this morning reciting this entire exchange to her preschool class…Little Miss Know-it-All…Version 2.0.
She’s me…but with WAY more confidence (and taller)…Lord help the friends who tolerate her…the man who marries her…and help us to keep her just the way she is ; )
****************************************************
But the biggest change for her as of late is the “big girl bed”. She’s been ready for it for a long time, but I’m really glad we waited. It went off without a hitch. She was so excited! Over and over she just kept saying “Thank you”. It felt really good. She did great, and we’ve pretty much had zero issues with her not following the bed rules. She stays in her room, she mostly stays in her bed except to turn on her bedtime music or grab a book. She has really impressed us with how well she has followed our directions.
Someday we’ll give Kellen the same freedom…but I have feeling we’ll catch him out on the couch turning on the DVD player in the middle of the night just for fun. ; )
The first night was pretty entertaining though. About 3am we hear her crying, I go in thinking she’s had a bad dream. She tells me she hears squeaking. As I start some response about how it’s probably squirrels outside, my thought process is interrupted by *BEEP!*. At this point, I begin talking to the video monitor about the fact that there is in fact something squeaking and honey, can you hurry up and get in here *BEEP!*? Patrick walks in the *BEEP!* room, and we realize that of all the nights of the year, Larkin’s first night in a big girl bed coincides with the night the battery in her fire alarm goes on the fritz! After locating a chair to remedy the situation, she happily went back to bed in her squeak-free environment. We woke up at 5am to find her still in her bed but with her music playing…guess she wanted to avoid any other interruptions ; )
You may wonder why these pictures are so yellow...that would be my fault. When I designed her nursery, I fell in love with this light from Ikea...you know because it was the sun and stuff.
I'm pretty sure Patrick still has nightmares about installing this light. Turns out the Europeans make cute/cheap stuff, but they're not very good electricians. After numerous tries, the light was installed and does work...but it makes the entire room yellow. Which is a little funny because the room actually IS yellow, but the color effects require you to take outfits out of the room into the game room in order to not send her out into the world with red shorts and a hot pink shirt. Anyway, I think I'm finally ready to change the light...but I don't know how to break it to Patrick : )
Thursday, June 16, 2011
35 Redux
I have to say that my birthday was fairly well-received (by me) this year. Turns out I had a fairly stressful week leading up to it, so the idea of getting older just didn't seem like that big a deal. As to what the particular "stress" was...well that's going to require a lot more time. I'm not quite ready to lay it all out there yet. Suffice to say we're starting down a new and difficult road. It's something that I think I plan on being very open about, but I'm just not quite ready yet. And before anyone freaks out, we're all still healthy, no one's dying or anything. It's really not that bad...just a struggle that I need a name for first, and then you'll probably get sick of me talking about. It's something that will change everything, but will change nothing. And we are united as a family as we embark on this new adventure.
So anyway, major life stress followed by turning 35...not really in the mood for celebrating. Kids went to school, Patrick went to school, I went to work. I actually went for an early morning run before work because well, it was my birthday, and I needed to destress! I also found my car taking me through the Starbucks drive-thru that morning so I was handling it all pretty well.
No big fuss, just a couple phone calls (which I didn't answer), texts, facebook posts...low key birthday was fine by me.
Then I walked in my office to this...
Let me say that it was impossible to walk, roll my chair, answer the phone, etc. without first parting the sea of balloons all over the floor. I also had confetti perpetually stuck to me for the remainder of the week. And you know what?
So anyway, major life stress followed by turning 35...not really in the mood for celebrating. Kids went to school, Patrick went to school, I went to work. I actually went for an early morning run before work because well, it was my birthday, and I needed to destress! I also found my car taking me through the Starbucks drive-thru that morning so I was handling it all pretty well.
No big fuss, just a couple phone calls (which I didn't answer), texts, facebook posts...low key birthday was fine by me.
Then I walked in my office to this...
Let me say that it was impossible to walk, roll my chair, answer the phone, etc. without first parting the sea of balloons all over the floor. I also had confetti perpetually stuck to me for the remainder of the week. And you know what?It was just what I needed. One of my research assistants kept laughing because she said it was impossible to take me seriously when I was trying to be all sciencey in the middle of that mess. And maybe I needed to be a little less serious that week...just for a little while.
I got new running clothes for my birthday which couldn't have been more perfect. I equally think and don't think while I run...and I'm going to need to be doing a lot of both this summer.
Friday, June 3, 2011
How do you get to 35?
1 PhD
2 Amazing miracle children
3 Years being a mom
4 Furry family members
5 Miscarriages before Larkin
8.5 Years loving my job
11.5 Years wedded bliss
Equals 35 years down with a lot of living and loving to go!
Turning 30 was a rough spot for me. Not because I was getting older, but because I was still deep in the fight of trying to have a baby. It amazes me how much has changed in just 5 years. Finished my PhD, had two awesome kids, and I'm in better shape now than I was at 30...no complaints from me! I can't wait to see what the next 5 years hold!
2 Amazing miracle children
3 Years being a mom
4 Furry family members
5 Miscarriages before Larkin
8.5 Years loving my job
11.5 Years wedded bliss
Equals 35 years down with a lot of living and loving to go!
Turning 30 was a rough spot for me. Not because I was getting older, but because I was still deep in the fight of trying to have a baby. It amazes me how much has changed in just 5 years. Finished my PhD, had two awesome kids, and I'm in better shape now than I was at 30...no complaints from me! I can't wait to see what the next 5 years hold!
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