What Do You Want?

What do you want?


So many ways to ask that simple question, so many ways to answer it.

I was recently asked this question in a similar form by someone performing an assistive technology evaluation for Kellen (basically trying to figure out what communication tool they should recommend for his IEP…Ipad, lesser technology talk pads, PECS, etc…..like I’ll let them have any opinion besides what I want…but I digress). Anyway, she was “new” to Kellen, so it was interesting to recount all my Kellenisms to her. Some of the questions included…

“How do you know what he’s feeling?”

Hahahaha! That’s funny if you know our boy, his emotions are written all over him. Happy = bouncing, huge grinning, giggling, energizer bunny of a boy; Sad = crocodile tears and a desperate run for my arms; Mad = a very specific whine, which now that it’s partnered with “No!” sounds way more neurotypical preschooler than autism; and honestly I can pinpoint tons more emotions: content, thoughtful, agitated, afraid…he’s an open book, and this is another characteristic that we put in our growing column of “things he’s not supposed to be able to do that he does anyway”.

“How does he let you know his wants?”

Using every form of communication possible. Now, here I am lucky. A year ago, ALL I wanted in this world was to just know what he wanted…and God knows I would give it to him. But now, things have changed. I proudly have to say “No” to many of his physical and verbal! requests…for fear of spoiling him ; ). We almost always know what he wants…he just can’t always have it…but such is life.

And then the biggest question from her on that day…”What would you consider successful communication?”

I’m sure many people have answered “anything” or “using the tool you’ve selected for him appropriately” or “short understandable sentences” but that’s just not me.

I told her “I want to have a conversation with my son.” And that is exactly what I want. I am grateful that we can share an awful lot right now (and more and more each day thank God), but I want to know what he’s thinking. I want to talk about science, I want to answer his “why” questions, I want to debate with him over what he think matters, I want him to talk back to me, I want him to tell me I’m wrong (which actually happened once already…), I want him to complain about his day or recount a funny story, I want him to make fun of me (because let’s face it, it’s pretty easy to do), I want him to make jokes and play pranks, I want him to take up for his sister, I want him to fight with his sister (this happens now, too, but I’d just like to experience the verbal battle…).

I want to have a conversation with my son…as soon as possible…and for every day after that until I leave this earth (and even then I’d hope that he’d keep talking to me …even if I couldn’t answer).

We constantly run around asking him “What do you want?” in order to elicit a verbal response, which we’re getting more and more. Someday…someday soon, I want him to ask me what I want.

Because I’ll tell him that I want the world for him. That I want no limitations for him. That I want every chance I can get for him. That I want love for him. That I want acceptance for him. That I want happiness for him.

You’ve always heard parents tell their children that all they want is for them to be happy. And you truly have to become a parent to understand that. Success isn’t fancy cars, big houses, expensive jewelry, lavish vacations…success is happiness. For Larkin, at this point that means an endless supply of tiaras, her own horse, and a career as a “scientist of the sea”. For Kellen, well I’ll wait until he tells me…but I’ll guess at a career as a pilot or race car driver…with a pantry full of cookies.

But in the end, I am every parent...and all I want is for them to be happy…and for them to tell me so.