So we have a lot going on (when is that not the case?), but I'm making a pledge to update more often! I'm especially going to take advantage of Patrick's coaching nights and try to do at least two posts a week. I really do have a lot I'd like to document and some backtracking I'd like to do both in relation to Kellen's diagnosis path and just general family fun (we went on vacation...seems like forever ago).
For now, I would like to comment on little victories. So I have now firmly allowed/convinced/strong-armed/bribed/brainwashed myself to stop comparing Kellen. I vow to stop comparing him to Larkin because well let's face it, there has not nor ever will be another Larkin LOL!
I also vow to stop comparing him...
... to the kids in his class
... to the other kids at birthday parties
... to my friends' kids on facebook
... to your kids on your blogs
... to my newlywed ideal of what my son might be like someday
... to other autistic kids
... to anyone other than the kid he was yesterday, last week, last year...
I vow this for my sanity, I vow this for both of my kids' confidence, and this new outlook allows me to openly celebrate things like walking to and from the car!!
This is HUGE people. Kellen is a little bit of a Mama's boy...and when you have two kids less than 11 months apart, well one is going to get carried because it's all about containment in open parking lots at that point people! So somewhere along the way, Kellen got used to being carried (you know, probably because he used to be a baby that didn't walk and stuff), Larkin would walk holding our hand (because she being Larkin got to a point where she refused to be carried!), and so was life for the past oh 2 years!
So we realized (when I say we I mean Patrick told me) that we had no idea why we were still carrying Kellen. So we'd try to make him walk in...drama ensued. So we ditched that...about 30 different times.
It's volleyball season, and due to a variety of different factors, I'm really pulling extra duty this year. I have dropped off, picked up, done dinner/baths/bed solo more times in the past month than in the past 2 years it seems. So be it, many women have had it way worse. I have the luxury of a wonderful supportive husband, he just happens to not be home a lot lately, but I'd rather have him in some gym across town than in some desert across the world, you know? (I've really been trying to put an end to my pity party days, can you tell?). So anyway, it's HARD to carry 40lbs of Kellen while keeping track of a very speedy Larkin, all while being my size!
Anyway, one day about two weeks ago, Kellen was adamant about bringing this car at school home with him. So I said "You know what, ok, but you're walking your booty to the car"...and so he did...stopped a few times, couple of complaints, confusion on all of our parts of how to open the car door and get everyone in without my parking lot freakout, but we survived.
The next morning we get to school, Patrick's turn...Kellen sat down on the sidewalk...and refused to budge. Larkin and I actually went in to log them into the system and sat and watched them on the surveillance cameras wondering how long they would sit there...long enough that Larkin and I headed to the breakfast room! And then there they came around the corner...walking...
Rinse and repeat with a few tantrums thrown in here and there but we did NOT, we all out refused to let him get out of walking to and from the car to school everyday for...TWO WEEKS. And just like that we made a huge change for him. He walks to and from like a big boy, he's even attempting to get in and out of the car by himself. What I wouldn't let him do for so long, he was more than capable of doing all along...so I again am humbled, and we all need to re-evaluate other ways that we may be inadventently holding him back.
Once I started along that path, he's also brushing his teeth by himself (standing on the stool, waiting for toothpaste, etc.), he's helping to dress himself, he's waiting patiently for his milk when we get home (and I'm allowing him to play downstairs without quickly ushering him to his chair to be contained). I even found out at daycare that he's tolerating standing up diaper changes...so next week...
...I'm buying pull-ups instead of diapers...
...and the next week, we'll start putting him on the potty...
...because who says he's not ready to potty train...
...who am I to say he can't...
Oh and he's saying "Noooooooo!" clearly, purposely, and turns out he has a lot of opinions...because well, he is my son after all ; )
Mother, wife, PhD scientist, runner, autism advocate...just trying to balance it all one day at a time.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
He Sings
I need to be doing better about blogging…for sanity, for progress tracking, and just for documenting life in general. Yesterday was a day worth mentioning.
First, the crappy part…my poor husband has a herniated disc. Apparently this is painful? I’m not sure how it compares to childbirth, but interestingly, there are striking similarities! Yesterday, my biggest baby (that’s Patrick) had to get an epidural steroid shot. This is supposed to help with inflammation around the disc so that maybe he’ll have better luck with physical therapy. Surgery is still potentially on the table, but we’re taking it one step at a time. Regardless, I tried to prep him and tell him that epidurals don’t hurt (mine didn’t at least), but I also tried to avoid telling him that steroid injections hurt like a bitch no matter where you get them! I’ve had A LOT of shots in my life including self injections of blood thinner right into my growing belly every single day I was pregnant. Not a one of those shots compared to the stinging of the steroid I got in my rear when I got strep throat a couple of years ago…but again, I may have failed to mention that to him ; )
He took it like a champ though (I give myself credit because he knew he could show no weakness or I would ridicule him with the “Oh please, I had two epidurals and THEN had to actually give birth after them.”). I just hope it helps…
Anyway, so we got home with the kids last night and my sweet boy did the most amazing thing. First, he ate his mac and cheese like a champ. He was in a great mood, asked nicely (signed for more) for his milk, asked for his cookies (the “c” sound suffices), asked for his cup (the “c” sound is multi-purpose), and then he sang me a song…
I mean he really sang me a song. I was holding cookies out to him one at a time, so I could continue to hear that wonderful “c” sound, when he stopped eating, looked at me, and began very obviously singing a song. He sang the whole thing, with repeated sounds that had a definite rhythm, melody, and even hand motions (it looked like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!) through the whole thing! I mean this lasted like 45 seconds, and it was a complete song. He seemed very intent on finishing the whole thing and then very proud of himself when he was done. Thankfully Larkin knew when he was done so she clapped and said “yay!”…while I sat there awestruck fighting back the buckets of tears that were eager to fall.
Patrick and I looked at each other and had what I realize was a glorious moment of hope. Kellen was “on” yesterday, he was present in that moment, he was engaged the whole evening. He even said nigh-night when I put him to bed…I haven’t heard that in months. The song was completely new...the words were unrecognizable, it just sounded like some wire was crossed in his speech, like he was very deliberately using specific sounds, but to us it sounded like another language (we heard the same sounds repeated). What was so different about yesterday? what changed? what went right?
The scientist in me is fighting to start logging every detail of his life so that I can unravel this mystery. We’ve always said he responds so well to music, maybe we can sing directions to him, maybe we can use sounds as requesters, maybe if we can record him singing "words" to a known song, then we can try to translate those sounds into words, what if Twinkle Twinkle Little Star is the rosetta stone to deciphering what he's trying to tell us…
But then maybe I should just sit back and calm down and be grateful for a moment because…
…he sings…and that's forward progress...
First, the crappy part…my poor husband has a herniated disc. Apparently this is painful? I’m not sure how it compares to childbirth, but interestingly, there are striking similarities! Yesterday, my biggest baby (that’s Patrick) had to get an epidural steroid shot. This is supposed to help with inflammation around the disc so that maybe he’ll have better luck with physical therapy. Surgery is still potentially on the table, but we’re taking it one step at a time. Regardless, I tried to prep him and tell him that epidurals don’t hurt (mine didn’t at least), but I also tried to avoid telling him that steroid injections hurt like a bitch no matter where you get them! I’ve had A LOT of shots in my life including self injections of blood thinner right into my growing belly every single day I was pregnant. Not a one of those shots compared to the stinging of the steroid I got in my rear when I got strep throat a couple of years ago…but again, I may have failed to mention that to him ; )
He took it like a champ though (I give myself credit because he knew he could show no weakness or I would ridicule him with the “Oh please, I had two epidurals and THEN had to actually give birth after them.”). I just hope it helps…
Anyway, so we got home with the kids last night and my sweet boy did the most amazing thing. First, he ate his mac and cheese like a champ. He was in a great mood, asked nicely (signed for more) for his milk, asked for his cookies (the “c” sound suffices), asked for his cup (the “c” sound is multi-purpose), and then he sang me a song…
I mean he really sang me a song. I was holding cookies out to him one at a time, so I could continue to hear that wonderful “c” sound, when he stopped eating, looked at me, and began very obviously singing a song. He sang the whole thing, with repeated sounds that had a definite rhythm, melody, and even hand motions (it looked like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!) through the whole thing! I mean this lasted like 45 seconds, and it was a complete song. He seemed very intent on finishing the whole thing and then very proud of himself when he was done. Thankfully Larkin knew when he was done so she clapped and said “yay!”…while I sat there awestruck fighting back the buckets of tears that were eager to fall.
Patrick and I looked at each other and had what I realize was a glorious moment of hope. Kellen was “on” yesterday, he was present in that moment, he was engaged the whole evening. He even said nigh-night when I put him to bed…I haven’t heard that in months. The song was completely new...the words were unrecognizable, it just sounded like some wire was crossed in his speech, like he was very deliberately using specific sounds, but to us it sounded like another language (we heard the same sounds repeated). What was so different about yesterday? what changed? what went right?
The scientist in me is fighting to start logging every detail of his life so that I can unravel this mystery. We’ve always said he responds so well to music, maybe we can sing directions to him, maybe we can use sounds as requesters, maybe if we can record him singing "words" to a known song, then we can try to translate those sounds into words, what if Twinkle Twinkle Little Star is the rosetta stone to deciphering what he's trying to tell us…
But then maybe I should just sit back and calm down and be grateful for a moment because…
…he sings…and that's forward progress...
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
It Changes Everything... and It Changes Nothing
So many of you have been wondering what’s going on with us, and a few of you know already, so I’m just going to spit it out…
Last week, Kellen was officially diagnosed with autism.
Ah yes, there’s the frog in my throat I’ve been expecting...I’m still waiting on the big breakdown but it hasn’t shown up yet. I guess I’m still processing it really, we all are. We have a long road ahead of us though, and I can’t help but think that our infertility journey prepared us in many ways for this new struggle. Once upon a time, a blog was my outlet, my unfiltered venting place…and I think I’d be well served to do that again. Because what good is the struggle if it can’t help others who are dealing with the same.
So be forewarned that you’re about to be subjected to more than you ever wanted to know about autism.
A few random thoughts before I start future posts on the details of the autism diagnosis process (hint: it’s LONG!)….
So here we go. We have a lot to learn, a lot of decisions to make, a lot of planning to do. One step at a time. He is technically in the mild to moderate range with the expectations that he could do very well with the right interventions since the diagnosis was made so early, prognosis improves exponentially if we can get him to talk. So we have work to do…and we will do everything we can for him. I don’t know how to fail, I refuse to do it…and I will not fail him.
The diagnosis will require a lot of fundamental changes in the way we do things, the way we approach learning with him, the way we approach life in general...but in the end, he’s still that athletic, loving, hilarious wild boy that everyone loves.
In the end…it changes everything…but it changes nothing.
Last week, Kellen was officially diagnosed with autism.
Ah yes, there’s the frog in my throat I’ve been expecting...I’m still waiting on the big breakdown but it hasn’t shown up yet. I guess I’m still processing it really, we all are. We have a long road ahead of us though, and I can’t help but think that our infertility journey prepared us in many ways for this new struggle. Once upon a time, a blog was my outlet, my unfiltered venting place…and I think I’d be well served to do that again. Because what good is the struggle if it can’t help others who are dealing with the same.
So be forewarned that you’re about to be subjected to more than you ever wanted to know about autism.
A few random thoughts before I start future posts on the details of the autism diagnosis process (hint: it’s LONG!)….
- I’ve “known” for about a year. I remember that feeling of dread really settling in last July on vacation…and that feeling never went away. Everyone (including doctors) tried to explain it away as being a boy, second born, having a chatty older sister, etc. They were wrong and this was one of the few instances in life that I regretted being right.
- I feel like Larkin knows. She translates for him regularly, she looks out for him, she gives him his space. I know that through this process she is going to be his (and OUR) greatest teacher.
- We are united as a family. Just as the miscarriages drove Patrick and me closer together, this has done the same. By leaning on each other, we will get through this.
- We did not get the worst aspects of autism. He’s not talking, that’s concern number one. But physically…watch out. He’s advanced…case in point, yesterday he stood on top of his bouncing zebra and proceeded to start to let go and stand up completely while balancing (think circus act), none of us could do that!
- I love my son, and thankfully I know he loves me. So many of the heart-breaking stories I hear related to autism are tied to the children that don’t show emotion, mothers who don’t get hugs or snuggles or kisses. I am VERY lucky. My KK hugs me daily, runs to me when he sees me, gives me kisses every night, grabs me by the hand and takes me over to share a bowl of popcorn. I am beyond grateful for this.
So here we go. We have a lot to learn, a lot of decisions to make, a lot of planning to do. One step at a time. He is technically in the mild to moderate range with the expectations that he could do very well with the right interventions since the diagnosis was made so early, prognosis improves exponentially if we can get him to talk. So we have work to do…and we will do everything we can for him. I don’t know how to fail, I refuse to do it…and I will not fail him.
The diagnosis will require a lot of fundamental changes in the way we do things, the way we approach learning with him, the way we approach life in general...but in the end, he’s still that athletic, loving, hilarious wild boy that everyone loves.
In the end…it changes everything…but it changes nothing.
Monday, June 27, 2011
The Little Things that Keep Me Sane
I think it’s probably safe to say that I’m not coping well lately. To my family and friends, SORRY, I know I’ve been a terror as of late. I’m hoping that surviving this next week and looking forward from there will help us all regain our focus.
But this weekend brought me several moments that had me step aside from my stresses and truly cherish the life I’m lucky to lead.
My sweet husband…He could see (and hear and feel and probably wanted to run away from me) that I was not handling myself very well so he picked up the phone and scheduled me a massage for Sunday (and made sure I got to yoga Sunday morning as well). Well when I got out of my massage Sunday afternoon, I checked my e-mail and there was an Evite from “ME” to Margaritas and a Movie…I responded yes and really crossed my fingers that I hadn’t just agreed to a date with some creepy stalker. He had already set up the babysitter, we all had an early family dinner together (second day in a row!), and we had a nice night out…a little time to discuss what’s on our minds plus a little mindless time at the movie…just right.
My hilarious Larkin…She’s been on a roll lately with her little attitude, but that girl can make me laugh when I need it most. She was running circles around the first floor before dinner both days this weekend because “she needed to exercise”. Then when we were trying to explain to her that there were limes growing in the backyard and that her daddy would take her back there to see them the next day, her response was “OH MY GOODNESS!!! LIONS???” I literally fell on the floor in the kitchen crying laughing. She was not the least bit concerned about lions living in our backyard, rather she seemed really excited to meet them. We also made cupcakes and did our toes together, and I always enjoy doing girly stuff with her (because she loves it so much)!
My adoring Kellen…We have a lot of frustrations right now, but there was one moment in particular this weekend that melted my heart. I had gone in our bedroom to put myself together after my massage because we were headed to the grocery store. Patrick and the kids were sitting in the middle of the gameroom floor around a big bowl of popcorn having snacktime. When I emerged from our bedroom, Kellen immediately ran over to me and grabbed my hand. I assumed he was going to pull me to the top of the stairs because he wanted to go down to get juice or something….or that he was going to pull me to his room to open his door…or maybe to a toy he needed help getting…but it was none of those things. He took me by the hand, looked up at my face, and very slowly and gently walked me over to the bowl of popcorn and pulled me to sit down. He sat across from me, looked me dead in the eyes again and smiled. I handed him a piece of popcorn from the bowl, which he took and then did his little happy dance (he does a little side-to-side dance when he’s happy, or when something tastes good, etc.)…he did his happy dance because he’d brought me over to sit with all the people he loved and share some popcorn…not because he needed anything, but because he wanted me there with them.
And in that moment…I knew that whatever this week brings, we will be okay. In that moment, I knew I’d be doing my happy dance again soon.
But this weekend brought me several moments that had me step aside from my stresses and truly cherish the life I’m lucky to lead.
My sweet husband…He could see (and hear and feel and probably wanted to run away from me) that I was not handling myself very well so he picked up the phone and scheduled me a massage for Sunday (and made sure I got to yoga Sunday morning as well). Well when I got out of my massage Sunday afternoon, I checked my e-mail and there was an Evite from “ME” to Margaritas and a Movie…I responded yes and really crossed my fingers that I hadn’t just agreed to a date with some creepy stalker. He had already set up the babysitter, we all had an early family dinner together (second day in a row!), and we had a nice night out…a little time to discuss what’s on our minds plus a little mindless time at the movie…just right.
My hilarious Larkin…She’s been on a roll lately with her little attitude, but that girl can make me laugh when I need it most. She was running circles around the first floor before dinner both days this weekend because “she needed to exercise”. Then when we were trying to explain to her that there were limes growing in the backyard and that her daddy would take her back there to see them the next day, her response was “OH MY GOODNESS!!! LIONS???” I literally fell on the floor in the kitchen crying laughing. She was not the least bit concerned about lions living in our backyard, rather she seemed really excited to meet them. We also made cupcakes and did our toes together, and I always enjoy doing girly stuff with her (because she loves it so much)!
My adoring Kellen…We have a lot of frustrations right now, but there was one moment in particular this weekend that melted my heart. I had gone in our bedroom to put myself together after my massage because we were headed to the grocery store. Patrick and the kids were sitting in the middle of the gameroom floor around a big bowl of popcorn having snacktime. When I emerged from our bedroom, Kellen immediately ran over to me and grabbed my hand. I assumed he was going to pull me to the top of the stairs because he wanted to go down to get juice or something….or that he was going to pull me to his room to open his door…or maybe to a toy he needed help getting…but it was none of those things. He took me by the hand, looked up at my face, and very slowly and gently walked me over to the bowl of popcorn and pulled me to sit down. He sat across from me, looked me dead in the eyes again and smiled. I handed him a piece of popcorn from the bowl, which he took and then did his little happy dance (he does a little side-to-side dance when he’s happy, or when something tastes good, etc.)…he did his happy dance because he’d brought me over to sit with all the people he loved and share some popcorn…not because he needed anything, but because he wanted me there with them.
And in that moment…I knew that whatever this week brings, we will be okay. In that moment, I knew I’d be doing my happy dance again soon.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Larkin Grows Up
It’s hard to believe that Larkin is 3. Not in the “OMG, it feels like she was just a baby yesterday” kind of way, more in the “I cannot believe I’m having this conversation with a 3-yr old” kind of way. When I was a kid, they used to say I was like a little adult…carrying on conversations with the adults in the room rather than running around throwing mud or coloring on the walls, you know, typical kid stuff. As I sit and have debates that I’m starting to lose discussions with Larkin, it’s becoming evident that I may not be the easiest person to deal with. My poor parents…my poor friends…and poor Patrick because now he’s stuck with TWO of us.
But hey, we’re cute and sweet and smart and loving…isn’t that enough to make up for being bossy and prissy and moody…and always right? ; )
I had one particularly interesting exchange this weekend.
Larkin: Mama I want cereal for breakfast.
Me: No Larkin, we’re making Daddy omelets today because it’s Father’s Day. I told you that yesterday.
Larkin: No you did not.
Me: Yes I did.
Larkin: Unfortunately, you did not tell me that yesterday.
I had no comeback for that one…unfortunately.
****************************************************
The good thing is that she does show promise in the area of science.
Me: Larkin quit banging your feet against the kitchen counter, it hurts the fishies’ ears.
Larkin: But Mama, fish don’t have ears, see? How can they hear if they don’t have ears?
**Fleeting glance between Patrick and I as we realize we will never get the repeated “Why?” questions from her but rather explanations of the fundamental flaws in our responses**
I then attempt to explain that fish hear through their skin by feeling vibrations through the water. My biology teacher husband did not correct me, so I’m hoping that was some semblance of right. She absorbed the entire concept and proceeded to repeat it back to us. I can picture her this morning reciting this entire exchange to her preschool class…Little Miss Know-it-All…Version 2.0.
She’s me…but with WAY more confidence (and taller)…Lord help the friends who tolerate her…the man who marries her…and help us to keep her just the way she is ; )
****************************************************
But the biggest change for her as of late is the “big girl bed”. She’s been ready for it for a long time, but I’m really glad we waited. It went off without a hitch. She was so excited! Over and over she just kept saying “Thank you”. It felt really good. She did great, and we’ve pretty much had zero issues with her not following the bed rules. She stays in her room, she mostly stays in her bed except to turn on her bedtime music or grab a book. She has really impressed us with how well she has followed our directions.
Someday we’ll give Kellen the same freedom…but I have feeling we’ll catch him out on the couch turning on the DVD player in the middle of the night just for fun. ; )
The first night was pretty entertaining though. About 3am we hear her crying, I go in thinking she’s had a bad dream. She tells me she hears squeaking. As I start some response about how it’s probably squirrels outside, my thought process is interrupted by *BEEP!*. At this point, I begin talking to the video monitor about the fact that there is in fact something squeaking and honey, can you hurry up and get in here *BEEP!*? Patrick walks in the *BEEP!* room, and we realize that of all the nights of the year, Larkin’s first night in a big girl bed coincides with the night the battery in her fire alarm goes on the fritz! After locating a chair to remedy the situation, she happily went back to bed in her squeak-free environment. We woke up at 5am to find her still in her bed but with her music playing…guess she wanted to avoid any other interruptions ; )
You may wonder why these pictures are so yellow...that would be my fault. When I designed her nursery, I fell in love with this light from Ikea...you know because it was the sun and stuff.
I'm pretty sure Patrick still has nightmares about installing this light. Turns out the Europeans make cute/cheap stuff, but they're not very good electricians. After numerous tries, the light was installed and does work...but it makes the entire room yellow. Which is a little funny because the room actually IS yellow, but the color effects require you to take outfits out of the room into the game room in order to not send her out into the world with red shorts and a hot pink shirt. Anyway, I think I'm finally ready to change the light...but I don't know how to break it to Patrick : )
But hey, we’re cute and sweet and smart and loving…isn’t that enough to make up for being bossy and prissy and moody…and always right? ; )
I had one particularly interesting exchange this weekend.
Larkin: Mama I want cereal for breakfast.
Me: No Larkin, we’re making Daddy omelets today because it’s Father’s Day. I told you that yesterday.
Larkin: No you did not.
Me: Yes I did.
Larkin: Unfortunately, you did not tell me that yesterday.
I had no comeback for that one…unfortunately.
****************************************************
The good thing is that she does show promise in the area of science.
Me: Larkin quit banging your feet against the kitchen counter, it hurts the fishies’ ears.
Larkin: But Mama, fish don’t have ears, see? How can they hear if they don’t have ears?
**Fleeting glance between Patrick and I as we realize we will never get the repeated “Why?” questions from her but rather explanations of the fundamental flaws in our responses**
I then attempt to explain that fish hear through their skin by feeling vibrations through the water. My biology teacher husband did not correct me, so I’m hoping that was some semblance of right. She absorbed the entire concept and proceeded to repeat it back to us. I can picture her this morning reciting this entire exchange to her preschool class…Little Miss Know-it-All…Version 2.0.
She’s me…but with WAY more confidence (and taller)…Lord help the friends who tolerate her…the man who marries her…and help us to keep her just the way she is ; )
****************************************************
But the biggest change for her as of late is the “big girl bed”. She’s been ready for it for a long time, but I’m really glad we waited. It went off without a hitch. She was so excited! Over and over she just kept saying “Thank you”. It felt really good. She did great, and we’ve pretty much had zero issues with her not following the bed rules. She stays in her room, she mostly stays in her bed except to turn on her bedtime music or grab a book. She has really impressed us with how well she has followed our directions.
Someday we’ll give Kellen the same freedom…but I have feeling we’ll catch him out on the couch turning on the DVD player in the middle of the night just for fun. ; )
The first night was pretty entertaining though. About 3am we hear her crying, I go in thinking she’s had a bad dream. She tells me she hears squeaking. As I start some response about how it’s probably squirrels outside, my thought process is interrupted by *BEEP!*. At this point, I begin talking to the video monitor about the fact that there is in fact something squeaking and honey, can you hurry up and get in here *BEEP!*? Patrick walks in the *BEEP!* room, and we realize that of all the nights of the year, Larkin’s first night in a big girl bed coincides with the night the battery in her fire alarm goes on the fritz! After locating a chair to remedy the situation, she happily went back to bed in her squeak-free environment. We woke up at 5am to find her still in her bed but with her music playing…guess she wanted to avoid any other interruptions ; )
You may wonder why these pictures are so yellow...that would be my fault. When I designed her nursery, I fell in love with this light from Ikea...you know because it was the sun and stuff.
I'm pretty sure Patrick still has nightmares about installing this light. Turns out the Europeans make cute/cheap stuff, but they're not very good electricians. After numerous tries, the light was installed and does work...but it makes the entire room yellow. Which is a little funny because the room actually IS yellow, but the color effects require you to take outfits out of the room into the game room in order to not send her out into the world with red shorts and a hot pink shirt. Anyway, I think I'm finally ready to change the light...but I don't know how to break it to Patrick : )
Thursday, June 16, 2011
35 Redux
I have to say that my birthday was fairly well-received (by me) this year. Turns out I had a fairly stressful week leading up to it, so the idea of getting older just didn't seem like that big a deal. As to what the particular "stress" was...well that's going to require a lot more time. I'm not quite ready to lay it all out there yet. Suffice to say we're starting down a new and difficult road. It's something that I think I plan on being very open about, but I'm just not quite ready yet. And before anyone freaks out, we're all still healthy, no one's dying or anything. It's really not that bad...just a struggle that I need a name for first, and then you'll probably get sick of me talking about. It's something that will change everything, but will change nothing. And we are united as a family as we embark on this new adventure.
So anyway, major life stress followed by turning 35...not really in the mood for celebrating. Kids went to school, Patrick went to school, I went to work. I actually went for an early morning run before work because well, it was my birthday, and I needed to destress! I also found my car taking me through the Starbucks drive-thru that morning so I was handling it all pretty well.
No big fuss, just a couple phone calls (which I didn't answer), texts, facebook posts...low key birthday was fine by me.
Then I walked in my office to this...
Let me say that it was impossible to walk, roll my chair, answer the phone, etc. without first parting the sea of balloons all over the floor. I also had confetti perpetually stuck to me for the remainder of the week. And you know what?
So anyway, major life stress followed by turning 35...not really in the mood for celebrating. Kids went to school, Patrick went to school, I went to work. I actually went for an early morning run before work because well, it was my birthday, and I needed to destress! I also found my car taking me through the Starbucks drive-thru that morning so I was handling it all pretty well.
No big fuss, just a couple phone calls (which I didn't answer), texts, facebook posts...low key birthday was fine by me.
Then I walked in my office to this...
Let me say that it was impossible to walk, roll my chair, answer the phone, etc. without first parting the sea of balloons all over the floor. I also had confetti perpetually stuck to me for the remainder of the week. And you know what?It was just what I needed. One of my research assistants kept laughing because she said it was impossible to take me seriously when I was trying to be all sciencey in the middle of that mess. And maybe I needed to be a little less serious that week...just for a little while.
I got new running clothes for my birthday which couldn't have been more perfect. I equally think and don't think while I run...and I'm going to need to be doing a lot of both this summer.
Friday, June 3, 2011
How do you get to 35?
1 PhD
2 Amazing miracle children
3 Years being a mom
4 Furry family members
5 Miscarriages before Larkin
8.5 Years loving my job
11.5 Years wedded bliss
Equals 35 years down with a lot of living and loving to go!
Turning 30 was a rough spot for me. Not because I was getting older, but because I was still deep in the fight of trying to have a baby. It amazes me how much has changed in just 5 years. Finished my PhD, had two awesome kids, and I'm in better shape now than I was at 30...no complaints from me! I can't wait to see what the next 5 years hold!
2 Amazing miracle children
3 Years being a mom
4 Furry family members
5 Miscarriages before Larkin
8.5 Years loving my job
11.5 Years wedded bliss
Equals 35 years down with a lot of living and loving to go!
Turning 30 was a rough spot for me. Not because I was getting older, but because I was still deep in the fight of trying to have a baby. It amazes me how much has changed in just 5 years. Finished my PhD, had two awesome kids, and I'm in better shape now than I was at 30...no complaints from me! I can't wait to see what the next 5 years hold!
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