Just to be clear, that's a reference to a Barenaked Ladies song. Patrick and I have tons of catch phrases, movie/song quotes, etc that only we understand. Reading our text messages would make you think we're insane. After 17 years, I think we've developed our own language.
In truth, this post is about my trip to China. Holy cow, what complete and total culture shock! I managed to get on the plane without incident thanks to my friends Mr. Grey (Goose) and Mrs. Xanax. I also managed to sleep, which is basically unheard of for me on a plane, but it did leave at 1am. I should have seen the foreshadowing when halfway through the flight we received a snack...a half sandwich...turkey and cheese on white bread. And then this came for "breakfast".
We landed in Beijing at 4am local time. Immediately we saw the haze...it never went away. Pollution is scary and sad. We roamed the airport aimlessly and I discovered my phone didn't work in China, gee thanks AT&T! Found some coffee at Jackie Chan's tea house (seriously) and waited for our flight to Hangzhou.
Landed in Hangzhou to see the same level of pollution...and grouchy me came out. The cab ride was a disaster...traffic, terrible driving, not exactly gorgeous scenery...I was done before we'd ever even made it to our destination!
And then we got to our hotel...we had been alerted by my assistant that the conference hotel had terrible reviews. (And since we spent the entire conference there we can confirm that it was stinky, gross, smoky, and had no wifi!). So my international man of mystery (Patrick) found us an alternate hotel... It. Was. Awesome. Waterfall ceiling shower, separate sitting area, and this tub complete with bath salts.
After a shower, we were ready to check out our surroundings, and in mere minutes, I found civilization!
I managed to hit 4 different Starbucks while in Hangzhou believe it or not! We headed over to the conference to see that the program was super sized so of course we took goofy pics by our names!
The next day brought day 1 of the conference and day 1 of my dislike of Chinese food. I'm starting to think PF Chang was NOT Chinese. Also, the Chinese have some aversion to efficient air conditioning...but also allow smoking indoors...I was miserable!!! Never have my thighs sweat so much! And I DON'T sweat (my running buddies can attest to that awesome genetic fact!).
I also become an accidental vegetarian...
This was all I could manage from the lunch buffet the first day...
We made it through the conference with the help of Starbucks and a place called Paris Baguette, gave great presentations, and even won a couple of "major awards".
I was on an extra committee and ended up touring a local hospital (which I later learned had been treating many of the "new" flu cases...oh joy, not really wanting to relive the movie Contagion thanks!) and going to a catered dinner. I should also note that somewhere between winning the award and heading to the tour, I blew out my dress...like seriously seams ripped on both sides. It wasn't even tight! I tried to ask for a safety pin or sewing kit at the conference hotel, but that wasn't working. I finally got a single safety pin and went to the bathroom to see what I could do...and discovered I had TWO rips on one side and one on the other. I then had a brilliant idea to ask for a stapler...but I don't know the Chinese word for it. So here I go again with charades...they probably thought I was asking for an alligator. Finally someone understands and hands me the world's smallest stapler, which I then have to take back to the bathroom. The staples helped a tiny bit but there were still gaping wounds in my BRAND NEW DRESS! I managed to make it home without major incident amazingly!
Side 1 and Side 2!
The quality of the food at the catered dinner was much better (I had good shrimp and a decent couple bites of beef), but the 11 course meal was a little out there for me at times.
Apparently there's a sea cucumber floating in this soup...
Also, they only served your wine in quantities this big...
And apparently I had the biggest issues with the soups...I can't even speculate on what that is...
Thankfully, we had one free day before heading home. We'd run outside 2 days prior, and I kind of think we needed inhalers after, but the weather (smog) didn't seem as bad on our day by West Lake. The humidity and heat was still in full force though, so we tracked the day by the "How big is my hair?" gauge a la the Friends episode where Monica's hair supersizes in Hawaii...it really does happen to some of us given the right climate!
Look another Starbucks!
This is the sign in the Starbucks bathroom...
Um...yeah...
The good news is that West Lake was beautiful. We saw quite a bit of the lake, tons of lotus flowers, and did some shopping in a nearby market.
You'll notice I'm wearing my A&M shirt...and yes, even in Hangzhou I had a chance to talk college football with a couple of UT and LSU fans!
I also had my best Chinese meal that day...at Pizza Hut!
And before we knew it, time to head home. Delay on the first flight (Hangzhou to Beijing), which gave me time to read the terribly translated airline magazine.
Then we had time in Beijing to pick up a few more souvenirs, get lunch/drinks, and then let me get a beer from the vending machine...seriously...it was $1.
The long flight home was miserable to say the least. I learned that I don't exactly mix with Traditional Chinese culture...mostly due to my love of orderly lines and general hand/respiratory hygiene. I was unbelievably happy to be back on US soil!
After a ridiculously long immigration line, I made it through customs and saw a little curly head I recognized buying candy at the little shop there. Saw 2 more heads I knew, and while they had definitely surprised me, I was able to surprise them when they turned around. Larkin ran right into my arms...and once Kellen saw me he did the same...best feeling ever!
China Cliff Notes:
* Don't fly Air China unless you're actually Chinese.
* There are no lines, it's a free for all, so just get in there!
* Always wait for the "normal" toilet.
* They really do like taking pictures over there...like A LOT. We felt like the paparazzi were following us everywhere.
* If in dire need, proceed to your nearest Starbucks. They speak at least a little English and have pastries that you recognize.
* Xanax was not a miracle drug, but I made it there and back without crying so...
* Facebook (and Twitter, and lots of other stuff) is BLOCKED in China. Which is probably a good thing because they might have kicked me out if I'd had the opportunity to post my feelings in real-time!
* When crossing the street, just keep moving. Amazingly, the cars, scooters, and bikes never seem to crash into each other...but you have to keep MOVING or they don't know what to do with you LOL!
* Purell...that is all!
We all know that I'm a terrible traveler, so this trip was certainly a challenge. In the end, I'm happy to have gone, but I'm also happy that my next trip is to PHOENIX! Meanwhile, everytime Ni hao Kai-lan comes on I'm compelled to change the channel...maybe I should have paid attention to that show a little more before I left!
No comments:
Post a Comment