The Little Things that Keep Me Sane

I think it’s probably safe to say that I’m not coping well lately. To my family and friends, SORRY, I know I’ve been a terror as of late. I’m hoping that surviving this next week and looking forward from there will help us all regain our focus.

But this weekend brought me several moments that had me step aside from my stresses and truly cherish the life I’m lucky to lead.

My sweet husband…He could see (and hear and feel and probably wanted to run away from me) that I was not handling myself very well so he picked up the phone and scheduled me a massage for Sunday (and made sure I got to yoga Sunday morning as well). Well when I got out of my massage Sunday afternoon, I checked my e-mail and there was an Evite from “ME” to Margaritas and a Movie…I responded yes and really crossed my fingers that I hadn’t just agreed to a date with some creepy stalker. He had already set up the babysitter, we all had an early family dinner together (second day in a row!), and we had a nice night out…a little time to discuss what’s on our minds plus a little mindless time at the movie…just right.

My hilarious Larkin…She’s been on a roll lately with her little attitude, but that girl can make me laugh when I need it most. She was running circles around the first floor before dinner both days this weekend because “she needed to exercise”. Then when we were trying to explain to her that there were limes growing in the backyard and that her daddy would take her back there to see them the next day, her response was “OH MY GOODNESS!!! LIONS???” I literally fell on the floor in the kitchen crying laughing. She was not the least bit concerned about lions living in our backyard, rather she seemed really excited to meet them. We also made cupcakes and did our toes together, and I always enjoy doing girly stuff with her (because she loves it so much)!

My adoring Kellen…We have a lot of frustrations right now, but there was one moment in particular this weekend that melted my heart. I had gone in our bedroom to put myself together after my massage because we were headed to the grocery store. Patrick and the kids were sitting in the middle of the gameroom floor around a big bowl of popcorn having snacktime. When I emerged from our bedroom, Kellen immediately ran over to me and grabbed my hand. I assumed he was going to pull me to the top of the stairs because he wanted to go down to get juice or something….or that he was going to pull me to his room to open his door…or maybe to a toy he needed help getting…but it was none of those things. He took me by the hand, looked up at my face, and very slowly and gently walked me over to the bowl of popcorn and pulled me to sit down. He sat across from me, looked me dead in the eyes again and smiled. I handed him a piece of popcorn from the bowl, which he took and then did his little happy dance (he does a little side-to-side dance when he’s happy, or when something tastes good, etc.)…he did his happy dance because he’d brought me over to sit with all the people he loved and share some popcorn…not because he needed anything, but because he wanted me there with them.

And in that moment…I knew that whatever this week brings, we will be okay. In that moment, I knew I’d be doing my happy dance again soon.

Larkin Grows Up

It’s hard to believe that Larkin is 3. Not in the “OMG, it feels like she was just a baby yesterday” kind of way, more in the “I cannot believe I’m having this conversation with a 3-yr old” kind of way. When I was a kid, they used to say I was like a little adult…carrying on conversations with the adults in the room rather than running around throwing mud or coloring on the walls, you know, typical kid stuff. As I sit and have debates that I’m starting to lose discussions with Larkin, it’s becoming evident that I may not be the easiest person to deal with. My poor parents…my poor friends…and poor Patrick because now he’s stuck with TWO of us.
But hey, we’re cute and sweet and smart and loving…isn’t that enough to make up for being bossy and prissy and moody…and always right? ; )

I had one particularly interesting exchange this weekend.
Larkin: Mama I want cereal for breakfast.
Me: No Larkin, we’re making Daddy omelets today because it’s Father’s Day. I told you that yesterday.
Larkin: No you did not.
Me: Yes I did.
Larkin: Unfortunately, you did not tell me that yesterday.

I had no comeback for that one…unfortunately.

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The good thing is that she does show promise in the area of science.
Me: Larkin quit banging your feet against the kitchen counter, it hurts the fishies’ ears.
Larkin: But Mama, fish don’t have ears, see? How can they hear if they don’t have ears?
**Fleeting glance between Patrick and I as we realize we will never get the repeated “Why?” questions from her but rather explanations of the fundamental flaws in our responses**
I then attempt to explain that fish hear through their skin by feeling vibrations through the water. My biology teacher husband did not correct me, so I’m hoping that was some semblance of right. She absorbed the entire concept and proceeded to repeat it back to us. I can picture her this morning reciting this entire exchange to her preschool class…Little Miss Know-it-All…Version 2.0.
She’s me…but with WAY more confidence (and taller)…Lord help the friends who tolerate her…the man who marries her…and help us to keep her just the way she is ; )

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But the biggest change for her as of late is the “big girl bed”. She’s been ready for it for a long time, but I’m really glad we waited. It went off without a hitch. She was so excited! Over and over she just kept saying “Thank you”. It felt really good. She did great, and we’ve pretty much had zero issues with her not following the bed rules. She stays in her room, she mostly stays in her bed except to turn on her bedtime music or grab a book. She has really impressed us with how well she has followed our directions.

Someday we’ll give Kellen the same freedom…but I have feeling we’ll catch him out on the couch turning on the DVD player in the middle of the night just for fun. ; )

The first night was pretty entertaining though. About 3am we hear her crying, I go in thinking she’s had a bad dream. She tells me she hears squeaking. As I start some response about how it’s probably squirrels outside, my thought process is interrupted by *BEEP!*. At this point, I begin talking to the video monitor about the fact that there is in fact something squeaking and honey, can you hurry up and get in here *BEEP!*? Patrick walks in the *BEEP!* room, and we realize that of all the nights of the year, Larkin’s first night in a big girl bed coincides with the night the battery in her fire alarm goes on the fritz! After locating a chair to remedy the situation, she happily went back to bed in her squeak-free environment. We woke up at 5am to find her still in her bed but with her music playing…guess she wanted to avoid any other interruptions ; )



You may wonder why these pictures are so yellow...that would be my fault. When I designed her nursery, I fell in love with this light from Ikea...you know because it was the sun and stuff.

I'm pretty sure Patrick still has nightmares about installing this light. Turns out the Europeans make cute/cheap stuff, but they're not very good electricians. After numerous tries, the light was installed and does work...but it makes the entire room yellow. Which is a little funny because the room actually IS yellow, but the color effects require you to take outfits out of the room into the game room in order to not send her out into the world with red shorts and a hot pink shirt. Anyway, I think I'm finally ready to change the light...but I don't know how to break it to Patrick : )

35 Redux

I have to say that my birthday was fairly well-received (by me) this year. Turns out I had a fairly stressful week leading up to it, so the idea of getting older just didn't seem like that big a deal. As to what the particular "stress" was...well that's going to require a lot more time. I'm not quite ready to lay it all out there yet. Suffice to say we're starting down a new and difficult road. It's something that I think I plan on being very open about, but I'm just not quite ready yet. And before anyone freaks out, we're all still healthy, no one's dying or anything. It's really not that bad...just a struggle that I need a name for first, and then you'll probably get sick of me talking about. It's something that will change everything, but will change nothing. And we are united as a family as we embark on this new adventure.

So anyway, major life stress followed by turning 35...not really in the mood for celebrating. Kids went to school, Patrick went to school, I went to work. I actually went for an early morning run before work because well, it was my birthday, and I needed to destress! I also found my car taking me through the Starbucks drive-thru that morning so I was handling it all pretty well.

No big fuss, just a couple phone calls (which I didn't answer), texts, facebook posts...low key birthday was fine by me.
Then I walked in my office to this...

Let me say that it was impossible to walk, roll my chair, answer the phone, etc. without first parting the sea of balloons all over the floor. I also had confetti perpetually stuck to me for the remainder of the week. And you know what?

It was just what I needed. One of my research assistants kept laughing because she said it was impossible to take me seriously when I was trying to be all sciencey in the middle of that mess. And maybe I needed to be a little less serious that week...just for a little while.

I got new running clothes for my birthday which couldn't have been more perfect. I equally think and don't think while I run...and I'm going to need to be doing a lot of both this summer.

How do you get to 35?

1 PhD
2 Amazing miracle children
3 Years being a mom
4 Furry family members
5 Miscarriages before Larkin
8.5 Years loving my job
11.5 Years wedded bliss

Equals 35 years down with a lot of living and loving to go!

Turning 30 was a rough spot for me. Not because I was getting older, but because I was still deep in the fight of trying to have a baby. It amazes me how much has changed in just 5 years. Finished my PhD, had two awesome kids, and I'm in better shape now than I was at 30...no complaints from me! I can't wait to see what the next 5 years hold!

Astros Race for Pennant 5K

So spur of the moment, I decided to go ahead and run the 5K on Monday. I wussed out of it last year, and I didn't want to have to live that down again.

Annie and Jeff were nice enough to pick me up, and then Annie was nice enough to make fun of me for wearing a fleece in May in Texas...I'm cold-natured (cold-natured I said NOT cold-hearted...most of the time). We had plenty of time once we got down there and met up with fellow runners. We did a warm-up lap, and I definitely felt like I'd rather still be in bed. My right Achilles was a little sore in the days prior, but more problematic was that I still felt sleepy...oh well!

Anyway, the start was anticlimactic, and I can't say that I was really all that excited to take off. It was at this moment that I realized these were the first few miles of the marathon course...thankfully I appear to have mostly blocked out that experience, so it didn't really cause any ill effects.

I took off at a nice pace weaving around families of people choosing to walk the course...which don't get me wrong, I fully support, but line up in the BACK people! Then came a HILL, which is actually an overpass, but still, how rude to put that in a 5K, then came more hills, and then any time goal I had went out the window. I still pushed it at a reasonable level, but I knew I had to hit those "hills" again in a minute because it's a stupid out and back course!

Anyway, so I kept Annie in sight most of the race. I joked with her before that I wanted to run a 5K with her and let her be my "bunny". It seems the word I was actually looking for was "rabbit", but being me, I've taken to using the word "bunny" instead. For my non-running friends, a bunny (well actually a rabbit) is someone that paces elite athletes to make sure they stay close to their goal finishing time. Annie is faster than me, so I've been wanting her to pace me on a 5K to see how hard I could really push myself. But when the hills hit and the heat was brutal, I said forget it.

So I'm past mile 2 and there's my bunny Annie within sight! I pick up the pace and catch her in the last half mile. I pull up along side and say "Come on bunny!" which she hears as "Come on money!" I find this absolutely hilarious. This exhange was further compounded by her replying "I threw up" which I heard as "I blew up". I'm giggling again just thinking about it. Anyway, dumb and dumber here finished out the race the best we could. Once again, I finished knowing that I could have run harder, but oh well, stupid hills messed with my confidence. Someday we'll run a 5K on a cooler, flatter course and we'll really see what we can do.

But in the end, I finished at 27:13 with Annie a few seconds behind me (even with the puking). This is just 6 seconds slower than my recent 5K time, so at least I know the other one wasn't a fluke ; ) No races on the schedule anytime soon, so back to base-building and speedwork I think...

Notes on a Funeral

So I had to go to a funeral recently, and it had me pondering many aspects of life and death.

You can’t help but sit there and reflect on every other funeral you’ve ever attended in your life (which makes you even sadder as you sit there).

But worse, you can’t help but let your mind wander to consider all of the funerals you have YET to attend in your life. Now that thought is truly terrifying and heartbreaking.

So when those thoughts hit me, I quickly shifted gears into something more constructive…planning my own funeral. Hell, I’ll be dead, so no sense in being sad about that myself. Unless all my science training has failed me, I’m pretty sure death is inevitable, so I figure it’s just good planning…very Stephen Covey Quadrant 2 of me to think about this now.

Anyway, so let’s face it, we all have thoughts, preferences, etc. about what we want for our funeral, so here I shall record my requirements so that it can be said that “Even in death, she was bossy!”

The Crying…Some people will say that they want people to be happy and remember the good times and make it a happy celebration of life. Well what the heck! I want people to be SAD! I want to have lived the kind of life and be the kind of person that people are PISSED about not being around anymore. I mean I want people doing the ugly cry, throwing themselves at the coffin, screaming “Why?” ala Nancy Kerrigan and the clubbing incident, etc. I want to have made that kind of impression on the world that people are devastated that I’m not in it anymore! Just give me 2 hours of drama devoted to me…then after the funeral you’re welcome to get drunk and “celebrate” my life and all that ; )

The Singing…good LORD if you have someone in there in a girdle and blue hair singing off key with too much vibrato I may in fact come back to haunt the person responsible.

The Program…If there is a spelling mistake, again, please expect to be haunted if you are responsible! Check your refrigerator magnets for evil messages.

The Flowers…If you know me at all, you know that I think that carnations are the cockroach of the flower world. If I see a carnation in my arrangements, I will most likely jump out of that coffin and pluck them out one by one myself!

The Pictures…Good funerals usually have nice photo slideshows of the deceased. Should I live to be old, please make sure to have plenty of pictures of me in my younger days. I don’t workout this hard now to not get credit for it later ; )

The Eulogy…While I’m being very tongue-in-cheek about the above statements (except for the carnations…seriously), my only true wish for my funeral is that my kids have something nice to say about me. I hope that they have so many stories of “Remember that time Mom…” that they can’t even choose. There will inevitably be stories that start with “Remember that time Mom fell…” and “Remember that time Mom got mad about…” I do hope that I’ve lived the kind of life and done enough for them that they miss me, but more than that, I hope I’ve done enough for them that they’ll be just fine without me.

And I need to go before Patrick because I’ll never survive without him…

Larkin's First Race Report

So when I realized that I was ready to start running again, I tried to find a 5K. When I looked into the Sprint for Life 5K, I was immediately intrigued by their Tot Trot for kids 3 years and younger. It was Mother's Day weekend, Larkin is always fascinated when I run, and I thought it would be worth trying to run our first race together. My fear was that she was going to be completely annoyed and uninterested...but the outcome was the exact opposite!

She was talking about it for weeks before the race. I managed to find her a super cute (but athletic!) running outfit...and just maybe I managed to match it to one of my outfits ; ) I also made a huge frilly bow. We Luna girls may run, but we run with style!

The night before the race I told Larkin to remind her Daddy about her race number in the morning. Apparently, she woke up talking about her race number (and her racing shirt...and her racing shorts)...so she was ready to pin it on as soon as she got there.

We managed to get some cute mother daughter pics as well. It might be early and I have no make-up on, but what an awesome way to kick-off Mother's Day weekend.


Once we were over by the start line, Larkin was really ready to get going...but we still had like 20 minutes to wait. So we talked serious race strategy.

We don't look alike at all you know...

Once we lined up, she was all business.

Now let me say that we know very well that Larkin is "all girl". I fully expected her to run like Phoebe on Friends and inevitably to fall at least once...but it didn't happen.

That little chicken took off with better form that I run with and she was FAST!

She totally would have won the race...except Nina forgot to double knot her laces!!

She did get a little tired on the way back (so did I...no way that was just 150 feet!), but she toughed it out and never walked.

If you look closely, you can see Nina snapping a picture with her phone on the left : )

Everywhere we went that morning we heard lots of "Awwwww", "How cute", and "Look at them"...it was one of those events that you know you'll never forget. Here was my mini-me. She was so excited to run...to run like Mama...to run with Mama. Everyone was watching this cute mother-daughter pair in matching outfits, and I couldn't have been more proud. Thoughts of sad Mother's Days past danced on the edge of my mind, and it all felt like a dream. Kellen was even extremely well-behaved and let us have our mother-daughter time. I was so grateful for that entire morning, and I knew it would be a mother's day I would never forget.

To celebrate, everyone got a popsicle...and then we took an impromptu trip to the zoo.

Best Mother's Day Ever...

Only problem is that Larkin can't stop talking about her race...I can't put on my running shoes without her asking to go with me! We're already looking for her next race : )