How Did You Know?

So this is the first in a series of retrospective posts related to how we got here, but before I get into the most common question we're asked lately "How did you know?", I'd like to make a shameless plug. I'm running this year's Houston Marathon (my second) in honor of Kellen by running for the Organization for Autism Research. Should you have a few dollars to spare, I would greatly appreciate it. You can donate here...please pass on to others who might be interested in donating to a terrific cause!

Donate for KK!


So back to the topic at hand...How Did You Know?


In the womb?

Let's see. Was he less active than Larkin? I can't say because I was so busy taking care of an infant...did I miss a sign? I don't think so. I certainly knew what he was doing...if anything he seemed "busier" than Larkin. Now of course, we all know about him being born prematurely, but do I think that played into his autism...no, not really. Yes, he was early, but those were biological issues related to physiology not autism risk....right? Yet, we find ourselves questioning everything...


The first year?

So maybe he rolled over a little later than expected, but even though I gave birth to small babies, they quickly turned into chubby snuggly worms...so I fully blame that on the big baby belly (right?). Looking back in my notes on him as a baby, he was more difficult than Larkin. He had inconsolable episodes (which Larkin never did), he was more temperamental, he was more attached to me, but more concerning...

He didn't wave bye-bye...
He didn't turn when we called his name...
He didn't have any first words...
I've never had the joy of hearing him say "mama" and mean me...

In summary, were there signs? Well yes, I see that now, but I was in denial then.
He also started rice cereal later than expected (because he shunned it), and we had a harder time starting baby food (gagging followed by a general picky eater)...but you're not supposed to compare the first and second kid, so how could I know that something was really wrong? (right?)


The second year?

He walked on schedule...but he still wasn't talking...or waving bye-bye...or turning when we called his name when we walked in a room.

His eating was still very picky, and when we switched to solid food, there was lots of gagging. I remember him surviving on Gerber puffs for quite a while.

His inattention to our voices became a serious concern at 18 months...so we had his hearing tested...it was perfectly fine.

So then we started speech therapy...and got nowhere...and then he almost got kicked out of daycare...because he started biting his classmates, for no discernible reason.


The third year?

It was just past his second birthday, after a few weeks of speech therapy, that the biting outbreak occurred. As part of our strategy, I went to daycare with him as his "shadow"...and by snacktime that morning, I found myself standing outside daycare crying profusely into the phone talking to Patrick. It wasn't just the aggressive attempt to bite (which was disturbing in itself)...it was how far behind he was compared to his classmates. He was unengaged. They would run around crazy and loud, he would attempt to hide behind a bookshelf. They would sit in circle time and sing songs, he would sit in my lap and retreat into himself. They would come too close, be too loud, move too fast, and he would bite to say "leave me alone"...

Something was wrong, I saw it, I knew it, I had known it for months, but had listened to everyone else...
...he's a boy...
...he's second born...
...he has a chatty older sister who talks for him...
...it's normal...
...so-and-so didn't talk until they were 3, 4, 5...
...he's a mama's boy...


That one hit hard...a mama's boy. Did I coddle him too much as an infant? I certainly was careful with him...you know because he was premature and delicate and difficult and...did I know? Did I know even then that he was? I certainly knew before anyone else, before anyone else could detect it and way before anyone else would admit it. But after my shadowing morning, I could take it no more...and no one fought me...because while they did not want to admit it either, they knew it too. So we went forward with his formal evaluation...which is another post in itself...for another night...soon.